The following apologetes (-pl-jts, n. pl.; or apologete [-pl-jt, singular] are just a sampling of the many unique terms in LDS Apologetics. More might be added.

Disclaimer: Most of this page was produced tongue-in cheek, in the spirit of good-natured humor, and is not to be taken seriously. The following apologetes are not meant to offend or disparage any person, persons, or organizations. I hold no ill-will to critics (some of whom I consider my friends) and recognize that some of them have made notable contributions to LDS scholarship (see, for example, my paper on this topic here: here). The humor contained on this site is not suggestive of any person or organization’s character, intelligence, or integrity. These apologetes are to be taken as friendly banter in the form of parody.

1. Agriphobia #: ag·ri·pho·bi·a (gr- fb-) n.

   1. A form of paranoia characterized by an irrational fear and hatred of all people and things associated FARMS. (Latin agri or ager, field [related to farming, as in “agri-culture” or “agr-arian”] + -phobia [an intense, abnormal, or illogical fear] = fear of farming, or fear of FARMS.)

2. Anti-Mormon: an·ti - mor·mon (nt- môrmn) n.

   1. This term was originally adopted by the who opposed the Mormons (see B. H. Roberts, Comprehensive History of the Church, Vol.2, Ch.67, p.487 - 488) and apparently, was at one time the title of a localized political party who opposed the Saints and their political views (Kenneth W. Godfrey, BYU Studies, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 210). Although some Anti-Mormons today don’t care for the term (in fact some Anti-Mormons vehemently deny that the term fits their agenda), the label Anti-Mormon is a clinically accurate description of those who publish, preach, or otherwise attempt disseminate information contrary (anti) to Mormonism.

3. Anti-Mormonoid #: an·ti - mor·mo·noid (nt- môrm-noid) n.

   1. A newer, perhaps more appropriate term for some of the newer crop of Anti-Mormons. Anti-Mormonoids often like to assign new (and often unflattering) labels (such as science fiction, pagan, or occultic terms) to Mormons or Mormon beliefs.

4. Apoloholic #: a·pol·o·hol·ic (-pl-hl-k) n.

   1. An LDS Apologist who can’t seem to leave apologetics alone. Despite his (or her) best endeavors the Apoloholic stays up too late discussing Mormonism on message boards, reads a little too much (is there is such a thing?) pro and anti literature, and occasionally forgets to feed the dog due to writing rebuttals to criticisms. I won’t mention names, but you Apoloholics know who you are.

5. Biblicism: bib·li·cism (bbl-szm) n.

   1. A more neutral term for what some have referred to as Bibliolatry (Bible worship). Biblicism is the belief that the Bible is the sole source of truth to the point that the power by which Biblical ideas were given (i.e. Revelation from God) is overlooked. Biblicists fail to recognize that the Bible is not, in itself, revelation, but is rather a record of the revelations which God gave to his servants. God, of course (in LDS belief), continues to impart such revelations to his prophets today.

6. Blowhardian #: blow·hard·i·an (bl-härd -n) n.

   1. A degenerative emotional disorder that causes people to pontificate upon subjects in inverse proportion to their actual knowledge of that subject. Tends to be endemic on radio and television talk-shows and on web bulletin boards.

7. Brodichology #: bro·di·chol·o·gy (brd-kl -j) n.

   1. The ability to read the minds and motives of deceased historical figures.

8. Chevy Chase Eschatology #: chevy chase es·cha·tol·o·gy (chv chs sk-tl -j) n.

   1. Those who subscribe to the belief that “I’m saved, and you’re not!”

9. Critorigami #: cri·tor·i·gam·i (kr-tôr -gä m) n.

   1. The ancient art (developed in ancient Critoria) of folding or manipulating the words, writings, histories, or conference reports, or those you disdain in order to make your case.

10. Danibal Lecter #: dan·i·bal lec·ter (dn-bl  lktr) n.

    1. He who eats anti-Mormons for lunch. Among professional anti-Mormons, Danibal is certainly among the most hated and feared LDS Apologist. He has been known to tear off the face of anti-Mormon logic, exposing the skeletal structure of their criticisms. And while his wit has been described as “biting,” Danibal’s methods generally amount to demonstrating the silliness of most anti-Mormon arguments. Whereas most Apologists and scholars recognize the meticulous rigor of Danibal’s work (some might liken his modus operandus to that of a precision surgeon– skillfully cutting away the thin skin of fallacious criticisms), his victims would love to see him in a muzzle. Most anti-Mormons grossly misunderstand Danibal’s character. He is often referred to as the MMM. In truth, Danibal Lecter (the consummate Apolohoic) is kind and charitable. He is more than willingly to engage in friendly discussions on Mormonology, but he is also quick to point out the absurdity of an argument. This, of course, is what the critics detest most of all.

11. Deckerism #: deck·er·ism (dk r-zm) n.

    1. The dogmatic conviction that everything about Mormonism is Satanic and evil. In Deckerism all LDS leaders are either dupes, con artists, homosexuals, or something worse, and are part of Mormonism for no other reason than money and power. All LDS doctrines and programs lead Mormons to Satan worship and ritualistic abuse. Even LDS architecture is designed with the express purpose of promoting Satanism and attempting to offend Christianity. The more sensational and lurid the accusation, the better. The nice thing about Deckerism is that no facts are needed to support the claims. Any anecdotal stories from any source will suffice.

12. Duffensive Apologetics #: duf·fen·sive (d- fnsv) n.

    1. Humor-impaired apologetics. The belief that humor, satire, and irony, should not be used by LDS apologists in any fasion when dealing with apologetics (even in exclusively humor-related pages). Those who subscribe to Duffensive Apologetics believe that those who use humor in apologetics are mean, “underhanded”, and “vicious” (see Ha-fensive Apologetics).

13. Environmentalitis #: en·vi·ron·men·tal·i·tis (n-v rn-mn-tl-ts) n.

    1. A brain disorder which causes its sufferer to discredit all spiritual evidence for sacred events in favor of environmental theories. Often those who suffer from environmentalitis believe that all environmental data which might have existed in an historical character’s milieu-- regardless of the obscurity of the data-- were known and used by the character. In extreme cases of environmentalitis the sufferer is convinced that an historical character had access to ancient and obscure data which in many cases were only known about in other countries, and even then, by only a handful of people. The major symptom of those who suffer from environmentalitis is this: “If someone, somewhere, knew about it, wrote about it, believed it, or discussed it, then it was available to our historical figure.”

14. FARMSboys #: farms·boys (färms-bois) n.

    1. A researcher or scholar who writes, or has written, for FARMS (the Foundation for Ancient Research and Mormon Studies). See also below.

15. FARMSogian #: farm·so·gian (färmsjn) n.

    1. A researcher or scholar who writes, or has written, for FARMS (the Foundation for Ancient Research and Mormon Studies).

16. Ha-fensive Apologetics #: ha·fen·sive(hä- fnsv) n

    1. Apologetic humor. Those who subscribe to Ha-fensive Apologetics believe that we shouldn’t take everything too seriously. They can recognize jocularity and laugh at the witticism of LDS apologists as well as critics. These apologists like to interject a little tongue-in-cheek humor into their lives and the lives of others. While they eschew ad hominem, they may utilize mild satire, irony, or other forms of humor to poke fun of critics as well as themselves. To some (see Duffensive Apologetics) these apologists are seen as mean, “underhanded”, and “vicious.”

17. Intellectual #: in·tel·lec·tu·al (ntl-k ch-l) n.

    1. Someone who does not believe the truth-claims of the LDS Church, regardless of his lack of academic credentials.
       Ant. see Pseudo-scholar.

18. Josephant #: (j sf-änt) n

    1. Someone who meets the requirements for William Hamblin’s “idiot savant” theory. Josephants are extremely rare. Such a person must not only be so ill-informed as to not know basic third grade facts (such as the birthplace of Jesus), but he must also know intricate details of Old and New World geograpahy, customs, and religious practices which might have been available to only a handful of scholars in the Josephant’s milieu.

19. Korihor Press: kor·i·hor press (kôr-hôr prs) n.

    1. A nickname for Signature Books based on Stephen Robinson’s comment in the FARMS Review of Books on the Book of Mormon: “Korihor’s back, and this time he’s got a printing press.” (v3: 312). Robinson made those comments in his review of Dan Vogel’s The Word of God: Essays on Mormon Scripture by Signature Books. The comment launched a controversy and the threat of a lawsuit by Signature. As Dan Peterson pointed out in the FARMS Review of Books on the Book of Mormon v4: vii- lxxvi, Robinson’s comment accurately reflected the apparent agenda of many Signature books and especially the one Robinson was reviewing. As I note under Signaturi below, not all of the books published by Signature are critical of Mormonism (although a number of such publications are), and some of their publications (in my opinion) have added to an understanding of Mormonism.

20. Lobotomopologist #: lo·bot·o·mo·pol·o·gist (l-bt-mpl-jst) n.

    1. Another clever contribution from our critics. An LDS apologist (see mopologist) who is brain-dead (or has had a lobotomy). Of course many critics believe this applies to all LDS apologists, or at the very least Kerry Shirts.

21. MMM

    1. The Meanest Man in Mormonism. A title bestowed upon an LDS Apologist who has punched so many holes in anti-Mormon arguments, that the critic is chagrined at the silliness of his charges.
       
    2. The Mountain Meadows Massacre. Discussed elsewhere.

22. Martinosophy #: mar·tin·o·so·phy (märtn-s-f) n.

    1. A belief system which requires very little cerebral energy from its followers. In Martinosophy the end justifies the means. Errors and misrepresentations, pointed out by others, can simply be ignored. Among the tenets of this entertaining ideology is the belief that Mormons are “stealing” members of other Christian Churches-- which suggests Mormophobia (of course those associated with Martinosophy dogmatically assert that Mormons are not Christian-- in fact those who don’t agree with their interpretation of the Bible are considered to be non-Christian cultists).

23. Metcalferrhea #: met·calf·er·rhe·a (mt-kf -r) n.

    1. One of the more dangerous ailments. The symptoms of Metcalferrhea range from an upset stomach for the strong, to (spiritual) death for (spiritual) infants. Unlike the ailments of other Anti-Mormon disorders, Metcalferrhea is more complicated and therefore a little harder to cure for those with little experience in Mormonology. Fortunately Metcalferrhea is mostly watery indigestion and can be cured by a good dose of knowledge from resources such as the scriptures, various LDS publications and the writings of some FARMSogians.

24. Mo #: mo (m) n.

    1. Critic’s abbrevieated term for “Mormon.” Mo is generally followed by other terms which designate something within Mormonism. See, for example Mopologist. For a funny list of Mo terms, see Robert Kirby’s (Salt Lake Tribune) Mo List.

25. Mopologist #: mo·pol·o·gist (mpl-jst) n.

    1. Critic’s term for an LDS apologist (such as myself). See also Lobotomopologist.

26. Morg #: morg (môrg) n.

    1. A frequently used term by critics for the LDS Church. Morg is a twist from the Borg (race of aliens) from the newer Star Trek TV series. The mantra for the Borg is: “Resistence is Futile”. Some clever critic felt that this aptly described the LDS Church and their aggressive missionary program.

27. Morgbot #: morg·bot (môrg-bt) n.

    1. Someone who, in robot-like fashion, follows every word of the Morg. To some critics this refers to every active Latter-day Saint (since they all, according to these critics, blindly follow -- like robots -- the Brethren).

28. Mormon: mor·mon (môr mn) n.

    1. The nickname for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Shortly after the LDS Church was restored the critics, in derision, began calling the Saints “Mormonites.” The Saints did not appreciate the term as they wished to be known as followers of Christ. Apparently the term stuck, however, as was eventually shortened to “Mormons”.

29. Mormonology #: mor·mon·ol·o·gy (môr mn-l -j) n; Mormonologist

    1. The discussion, writing, studying, or diseminating of information involving the LDS Church. Mormonologists include LDS Apologists as well as Anti-Mormons and can often be found discussing Mormonology in on-line discussion groups (such as Zion’s Lighthouse-- see Group Names).

30. Mormophobia #: mor·mo·pho·bia (mrm-fb-) n. ; mor·mo·pho·bic (mrm-fbk) adj.

    1. Aversion to LDS people or their lifestyle, culture or beliefs. Some anti-Mormons think that the LDS Church is out to take over the United States, if not the World.
    2. Behavior or an act based on this aversion, such as picketing LDS Temples, writing Mormophobic literature, or giving lectures as to why Mormons are not Christian despite their official title and beliefs.

31. Nibblologists #: nib·bl·olSo·gists (nbl -jsts) n.

    Apologist-wanna-bees who may have read one page of an ancient Egyptian HWN text (3 consonants, no vowels, obviously an ancient Semitic root) and then pose as the final word in Gospel Doctrine classes, or make exaggerated claims of the Book of Mormon being “proven” by archaeology or the Smithsonian, or that the Dead Sea Scrolls “prove” Mormonism is true because it contains an exact duplicate of the temple ceremony, etc. Nibblologists are uninformed and misguided Zionistas who often cause damage to real LDS apologetics and provide ammo for the critics.

32. “Our Man on Temple Square”# (or OMoTS: o·mots [ mts] n.)

    1. Anyone who spends so much time handing out leaflets to the faithful at General Conference that the media automatically assumes he’s an expert, just because he gets his picture in the paper with the temple behind him, or datelines his story “Salt Lake City.”
          “So tell us, Mr. Tainter, is it true Mormons have green belly buttons from eating too much Jell-O?”
          “Oh, yes, and that’s not all -- they believe that Jell-O will ‘cleanse’ the skin of a black person, too!”
          “This has been ‘Scoop Bestertester’ with Mormonology expert, Jeraldo Tainter, reporting for CBC Radio from Temple Square, Salt Lake City.”

33. PhDeacea #: p·h·de·a·ce·a (p-ch-d-s) n.

    1. The intellectual cure-all of some anti-Mormons (especially those who subscribe to Martinosophy). The primary component of this famous remedy is to acquire-- by whatever means, and through any source-- a Doctorate degree. Such degrees can, and (according to the demands of a true PhDeacea) should be obtained from various diploma mills, Web sites, street vendors, or Walmarts. A PhDeacea in no way limits the participant to procuring only one degree. By all means, start a collection.

34. Pseudo-Scholar #: pseu·do schol·ar (s d sklr) n.

    1. Someone who believes the truth-claims of the LDS Church, regardless of his possession of academic credentials.
       Ant. see Intellectual.

35. Psycho-history #: psy·cho - his·tor·y (sk - hs t-r) n.

    1. The amusing art of using psychology to determine why an historical figure did what he did and why. Very similar to Brodichology, which is simply Psycho-history at its finest. Psycho-history is a game which is fun for the whole family, since my guess (as to what someone who is deceased was thinking) is as good as your guess.

36. Quinnosis Syndrome #: quin·no·sis: (kwn- ss) n.

    1. Although this malady is closely related to Environmentalitis, it is complicated by the unusual condition of believing (or claiming to believe) in the supernatural nature of sacred events, powers, authorities, scripture and revelations. Like Environmentalities, however, those suffering from Quinnosis Syndrome seem to believe that such religious particulars were either influenced by or invented to accommodate environmental pressures. A symptom of Quinnosis Syndrome is the promulgation of data which supports a naturalistic approach to Mormonism while withholding data which supports a supernatural approach to Mormonism-- all the while claiming that the supernatural approach is viable. Often enormous amounts of data are simply thrown out without an interpretive conclusion as to whether such data is evidence for a naturalistic approach, or if the data simply existed in early Mormonism’s cultural environment. Direct dependence is rarely demonstrated. It’s what some have referred to as the garbage flinging approach: Throw it all up against the wall, and see what sticks.

37. Schizo-mormophilia #: schi·zo - mor·mo·phil·ia (skts - môrm-fl) n.

    1. This fascinating, yet true ailment causes some Anti-Mormons to develop a strange and dichotomous love-hate relationship with Mormonism. The most common symptom of Schizo-mormophilia is the irrational and specious utterance: “I love Mormons, I just hate Mormonism.”

38. Signaturi #: sig·na·tur·i (sg-ntr) n. pl.

    1. A researcher or scholar who writes or has written for Signature Books. Some Signaturi members seem to detest FARMSogians or anything having to do with FARMS. While some of the Signaturi have contributed to the understanding of Mormonism, others have engaged in subtle but often very real attacks on Mormonism. The Signaturi are made up of a diverse lot. Some are real scholars while some are plagued with various maladies ranging from Quinnosis Syndrome to Environmentalitis to Metcalferrhea.

39. Sunstoned #: sun·stoned (sn-stnd) adj.

    1. A mental state associated with excessive reading in publications of dubious spiritual merit.
    2. A state of mind induced by failure to imbibe sufficient LDS.

40. Tannerexia #: tan·ner·ex·ia (tnr-ks-) n.

    1. A common but serious logic disorder which is rendered manifest in the production of massive tomes which are lacking in substance to the point of causing intellectual starvation.
    2. #A reasoning deficiency that will not allow an individual having this disorder to see or repeat the pro-LDS view of any relevant historic or religious issue.

41. Tannertantrium #: tan·ner·tan·tri·um (tnr-tntr-m) n.

    1. A not so subtle mannerism and sickness displayed in those who are repeatedly shown to be wrong. They vigorously pursue half truths, especially when discredited. Rather than acknowledging any mistake or wrongdoing, those who suffer from this debilitating disease become even more engaged. In severe cases, some of these die-hard anti-mormons have been known to develop a form of color blindness. All that is white is seen by them as black, and vice-versa. The only known relief has been found in the Book of Mormon. Unfortunately, this remedy is rarely accepted due to another anti-mormon disease known as pridecomethbeforethefallitis.

42. TBM #: t·b·m (t- b- m) n.

    1. An abbreviate for True Beleiveing Mormon or True Blue Mormon.

43. Wilverine, The #: wil·ver·ine (wl v-rn) n.

    1. One of several mopologist superheros, the Wilverine (informal moniker: “Billverine”) is feared and hated by critics, anti-mormons, and even No-Mo (Ex-Mo and Never-Mo) Super Villains (see the defintion of “Mo”). Periodically the Wilverine can be found on e-boards such as MormonApologetics.org (one of his many adventures can be found here). Wilverine is one of the more deadly mopologist superheros. His razor-sharp antimotium claws distend from his hands during combat. These nasty blades can shred silly arguments like lettuce and puncture bad methodology like balloons. Those villians foolish enough to engage Wilverine in battle, generally collapse in bloody mess of eviscerated Signaturian logic, crushed anti-mo allegations, or as decapitated blowhardian “intellectuals.”

44. Zionista #: zi·on·is·ta (zn-st) n.

    1. A self-deprecating, or tongue-in-cheek term for a zealous LDS apoloholic.

1. Group of Anti-Mormons: A siege of Anti-Mormonoids.

2. Group of Apologists: A pod of LDS Apologists.

3. Group on a discussion board (such as Zion’s Lighthouse and MormonApologetics.org) discussing Mormonism: A nest of Mormonologists.

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